Saving the Starfish
“I'm going to lean right back up against you and you'll right back up against me that way we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud. You know why we're a good partnership? Because we be watching out for each other, like brothers and stuff.” -Bubba, as played by Mykelti Williamson, Forrest Gump
Let’s start this blog with a sad story. On my way to take the kids to school, most days of late, we see three geese feeding along a fence line near the road. Whenever I see one of them, the other two are always close behind. Interestingly, on the other side of this fence is a pond that is generally filled with other geese. Here’s the catch, one of the geese trio appears to have a broken wing. It gets around fine walking and eating things off the ground, but I am guessing it cannot fly. Of course, the other two geese can fly, yet they stick with the one that cannot.
That my friends, is a true representation of what community should be. There is nothing stopping the two healthy geese from flying over that fence and enjoying a much easier life, but they choose to instead stay with their companion. So if these geese — simple-minded birds, who mostly run on instinct — can support others when they are down, then why do we as humans, with our big brains, struggle with it so much?
It’s true, many of us — even those that want to help others — manage to find reasons why we can’t help someone we know is in a tough situation. If you look for reasons not to help, you will always find about a million legitimate excuses. After all, we lead busy and hectic lives where it’s very easy to not notice the wounded goose along the side of the road. Or at least pretend not to notice or even just to say, “There’s nothing I can do to help.”
But we have to get beyond that. Right now, more than ever, we live in a world where people need our help. So much so that it’s easy to become overwhelmed by all of it. If that describes how you feel, then I’ve got some bad news… It’s going to get worse before it gets better. From at risk communities being ignored, to a country in a state of crisis, to a world that can’t fix the real problems, to an earth that is literally falling apart while we cross our arms and watch… Things will get far worse. From that perspective, what the hell can we do anyway? If the whole world is falling apart, what can we possibly do to have any impact at all?
This reminds me of a really lame parable with a nice clear message that is worth telling. So this guy is on a beach and there’s like a million starfish that have washed up onto the shore and are dying. As this guy walks down the beach looking that this atrocity, he sees a young boy picking a starfish and throwing them back into the ocean. So the guy says to the kid, “Why are you even bothering? There are so many here, you’ll never make a difference.” As the kid threw another starfish into the ocean, he responded, “It made a difference to that one.” I know it’s cheesy, but it really is true. Now replace that beach with the world and those starfish with people who need your support. You may not be able to help them all, but if you can make a difference for even one, then you have improved the world.
But the problem is deeper than that because many of us have been taught that even admitting we need help is wrong. A friend of mine is going through some tough stuff and finally after being pushed by several friends, she posted to social media some items that would help out for Christmas. None of them were necessities, and she said it made her feel embarrassed to make the post and I totally get where she is coming from with those feelings. But the truth is while the things she asked for may not be a necessity for her, the acts of kindness of people sending her family items are a necessity. If we want to succeed as a community, we must help one another, we must be kind. Here’s the good news. Being kind is one of the easiest things you can ever do in your life and it doesn’t even have to cost you anything.
Still, I know we struggle as humans to get it right. So here are some ideas that might just help you be better as a member of a community.
Be Vulnerable: Tell people what you need; don’t be afraid or embarrassed. Tell people how they can help you. When you see others that need help, help them. And tell others how they can help them too.
No Judgements: We can never fully understand what got people into the situation they are in, but we can show them love and help them through it using our skills and talents.
Be Available: Sometimes people will just need an ear to listen to or some friendly conversation.
Don’t Just Use Words: Always be willing to show others through your actions that you are there to help them however you can.
Be The Voice: Stand up for others; don’t sit back and watch bad things happen. Fight for your community and those who cannot fight for themselves.
Forgive Yourself: You’re not always going to be a perfect member of your community. But you can always forgive yourself for your shortcomings and try again.
While that’s certainly not an all encompassing list, I hope it can help give you some ideas of how to be a force for good in your community. Even if that means saving one starfish at a time.
-Jason
P.S. I called a couple different animal rehabilitation centers to attempt to get the goose checked out, I am still awaiting confirmation on whether or not they can assist.