Don't Live Someone Else's Dream
“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.” Noah, as played by Ryan Gosling, The Notebook
I got the idea for this post from a tweet I read from @garyvee. I love a lot of stuff that he puts out there but this one really stuck with me. He said, “Your dreams don’t have to be big, they have to be yours.” I think the reason that quote hit me so hard is because I spent a good part of my life living other people’s dreams.
The truth is that I never wanted to go to college. I despised the idea of college but everyone around me, friends, family, teachers, guidance counselors, all told me that’s what successful people did. So I bought into the that idea as best I could. I floundered as I tried to find a major, switching a couple times until I settled on Film. I rushed through school, getting out in three in a half years. I would take huge course loads in the summers because even though I hated it, I knew it would get me out faster.
And what my friends, did I have to show for it when I graduated? A degree I was certain I would never use and a bunch of debt. This isn’t a diatribe against college. It’s a diatribe against someone else’s dream. College is great for those who want to go. It’s perfect for people who need a degree to learn the profession in which they want to work. But hey, that’s not me.
For years after college, I worked in jobs where I absolutely dreaded going to work every day. Yet still, even then I thought about going back to school to get an MBA because I felt like it justified the work I was doing. And that’s because I had settled for a career that wasn’t my dream. In fact, I truly started buying into the idea that this was the only option for me if I wanted to be successful in my work life.
I would say things like, “I don’t like my job but it pays well and I get a lot of time off to do the things that I love doing.” But the truth is that we spend more waking hours at work than we do anywhere else. It’s not worth having a good paying job that you hate so that you can have fun on the weekends. Like it or not, your job is one of the biggest parts of your life.
Hell, in America it’s the first thing people ask about when they meet you, “What do you do for a living?” Not, “What do you like doing? What brings you joy?” So why spend your life living out other people’s preconceptions about success? It’s just not worth it.
And don’t forget, not every dream is big. I spent a lot of my life also believing that every dream I had needed to end up with me being rich and famous. That’s the American dream right? That you’ll make gobs of money and everyone will know and love you? But that doesn’t have to be your dream. It can be. But it doesn’t need to be.
Maybe you love working behind the scenes where you’ll never be rich or famous — but if at the end of the day your work gives you joy, then you’ve already won.
A large part of my life has been trying to figure out what my dreams really are after you strip away all the garbage that society puts on us. But here’s the thing, I am not begrudging the choices I made in life. I believe that they got me to where I am today— helping others with leadership, helping others live their dream, all while designing board games and living my dream. And I love living that dream every day.
Because it’s my dream.
Now when someone asks me what I do, they might as well be asking me what brings me joy, because they are now one in the same. If that’s not where you are at, then I want to help you get there.
Email me, jason@yourturncoach.com and let’s figure out how to make it happen for you.
-Jason